What am I to say
by Darkfire25
Summary: What will happen when the Pevensies are back after returning through the wardrobe? Can they save Narnia, and Edmund? Peter POV Sorry, I suck at summeries. Better than it sounds. PC Movie-verse
1. Chapter 1

I woke with a start and my bright, blue eyes flying open, breathing heavily, and I wondered what woke me. I decided to find what had awakened me. I should most likely had went back to sleep. Being the High King of Narnia was tiring and my people needed me. My curiosity overruled my tired body, so I got up, grabbed one of the numerous flaming torches, and started through the tunnels of the How. I walked around trying to figure out what could have woken me up this early in the morning. Was it my instinct? Maybe. But then what was wrong?

The fact of I couldn't remember what I had dreamed about didn't help me much. It was just a big blank in my head. I guess I'm excited. My siblings and I, after a whole year in England, have finally returned to Narnia! My siblings and I were all shocked to find out how long we were gone, all that had changed, and happened to our beautiful home. We have joined forces with a prince named Caspian, who had called us here and is a bloody idiot, and with him many of the few fellow Narnians.

We just this morning, had just returned from an attack on the enemy castle. It had ended horribly wrong. I couldn't believe that we lost so many Narnians, and that I had to leave them. Caspian should've kept to the plan! Edmund was even late in signaling the troops! I shook my head to clear that thought. I should've known Caspian was to run off. What also disappointed me was that we didn't even kill him, or cause any real, lasting damage. I was yanked out of my thoughts and into reality when I realized I was know outside the back of the How, and had heard a noise. I looked around searching for the source. Surprised when I saw a hunched figure in the bushes, and from the sound of it, he was emptying his stomach of its contents. I took a closer look and my heart dropped. Of course.

"Edmund, is that you?" I asked softly. The figure moved into the light and then I saw Edmund's dark, brown eyes peering into me, so I moved so I could see his whole face in the torch's glow. Edmund saw it was me and smiled at me weakly. Without thinking, I went over and helped him up.

"Hey, Pete. What are you doing up so late?" I could see he was in pain. The evidence was plain on his face and thick in his voice. From what I could see, in the bad lighting, he was also concerned for me. I could see the mixture of pain and concern in his chocolate brown eyes. So much so, it almost made me feel bad.

"I could ask you the same question!" I shot back to him. He tried laughed weakly and make a retort, but coughing took him instead.

"Nightmare." He mumbled to me. I sighed, understanding.

"Well, Come on, then. Can't stay out here all night." I told him. He nodded, but didn't make a move to get up or anything. Giving a huff of annoyance, I grasped his shoulders and assisted him in standing.

After walking him back to his bed, that was across the room from where mine was, I sat him down. I was surprised I didn't notice he was gone when I had wakened. I usually don't miss those details, but the past year has been difficult. Fighting and other impolite tension has surrounded us. From the light the torches supplied, Edmund looked very pale, he was leaning heavily on me, and it was obvious he was not in the best conditions. He must have gone out many nights prior to tonight, for he had dark shadows under his eyes as well.

"Why were you outside?" I asked him. I knew he had a nightmare and had thrown up, but I wanted to know if there were any different reasons he was out. Honestly, it got really cold in Narnia at night. His gaze dropped down to his feet.

"I was taking a walk. To think, but I guess thinking about it made me a little sick." He mumbled. I ruffled his unruly dark hair.

"Want to talk about it?" I asked him. He put his head on my shoulder. It was rare that he did this. When we had returned to Narnia, Ed and I grew apart. In fact, most of the fights, that weren't me with other boys, were between Ed and I. Almost to the point as if we never went to Narnia in the first place, and I think it was mostly my fault. My pride didn't let me truly believe it, though. I was devastated when I went back to England. Edmund, Susan, and even Lucy always tried to cheer me up, but I just pushed them away. There was a silence that hung over us as we sat. Despite the silence, when Edmund spoke so softly I would have missed it if I wasn't right next to him.

"It was _Her_ again." His voice seemed strained as if he was holding back tears.

"Oh, Ed. It's over. She can't get you." I told him, but he shook his head.

"It's not me she gets! She gets to you, Peter! She tricked you and killed you, Peter!" Edmund whimpered. I was stunned. After being such a jerk to him in England, he still cared for me so much. I pulled him into a hug, and he started to cry in my shoulder.

"I'm sorry. I was never there for you." I said to him. He just shook his head. I let him cry until he was dry, and I laid him in his bed. I have a strong feeling that he isn't telling me everything, but I shake it off.

"Alright Ed, you get some real rest." I ordered him. He only nodded and was off to sleep in just a minute. I, myself, went back to bed.

In the morning, I awoke to a strange sight. Edmund was sleeping right next to me. If you didn't count the last year, it was completely normal for Edmund to end up by my side in the mornings. In fact, we shared a room even in Narnia. The last year, though, was a completely different story. I didn't notice him coming. He must have come after I was fast asleep. I rubbed my eyes and sat up. Sighing, I started shaking his shoulders to wake him up.

"Ed, come on. Time to wake up." I murmured to him. He rolled so his was on his stomach. I couldn't help but laugh. His shirt had rolled up to a bit past his bellybutton, exposing his pale stomach. Dark hairs had grown, forming a line down to some other parts of his body. Was he that old again already?

"I don't want to." He moaned, covering his eyes with the crook of his elbow, like the old Edmund, but his appearance was still as last night. I smiled.

"Come on, will you. We haven't all day." I told him. One of his chocolate brown eyes cracked open to look at me, as he moved his arm. I almost wanted to tell him to go back to sleep. In his eyes were the pain and concern of last night and, now as well, weariness.

"Alright, Pete. Give me just a minute." He mumbled to me sighing. He stood slowly and yanked his shirt off. His chest was finely toned with mussels. There were numerous scars as well, from all the battles they experienced as kings. One scar stood out. A small circular scar where his skin was freezing cold and stark white, despite his already really, really, pale skin. His first scar as a Narnian, as a king, as a true hero. The scar from the White Witch's wand.

"Are you okay?" Ed asked, most likely noticing that I was staring at him. I nodded and stood up. Together, we walked to meet Caspian and the rest of the people for a meeting. When we were walking I swear I saw Edmund wipe a single tear from his face. I needed to figure out what was bothering my little brother. Not because I was High King of Narnia, but because it is my job. I'm the older brother.


	2. Chapter 2

The image in front of me is what stopped my heart, and the icy, cold voice gave me chills up my spine. How could this have happened! She was dead!

"Come with me, Peter. I could help you, you know you need me. I could give you the power you need to save everyone. To be the hero, to be the High King of Narnia." The icy voice of the White Witch said. I was awestruck. She sounded as if she really wanted to help. Her glare was _friendly_ and _promising_. She reached her hand out to me. Being honest, I was about to take her hand.

Then, she stopped wide eyed and screamed. The ice around her crumbled and she shattered, and there stood Edmund sword raised. I gasped and he looked at me. The emotions in his eyes were heart breaking. The disappointment, fear, worry, sadness, and disbelief all churning in his chocolate brown eyes. That's when I realized what I had almost done, and what I had almost done _right in front of him._

"I know, you had it sorted." He said almost bitterly. He turned shakily and walked away without another word. At first, I was too stunned to react or do anything. What had I done? I almost made his nightmares come true. Then I ran. I ran to find Edmund. I found him in an empty cove a little ways down. His knees were to his chest and he was silently sobbing. I could see his shoulders heave and his slender frame shake.

"Edmund." I said softly He jumped a mile high.

"Peter." He whispered harshly. I went and sat down next to him.

"How are you?" I asked lamely. It was a dumb question, but I just wanted to him to tell me something.

"I'm fine." He shot back sarcastically. He turned his head away from me. My heart dropped.

"No, you're not." I muttered to him, putting my hand on his shivering shoulder. He twitched and turned to me. The anger was evident in his eyes. He stood and turned on me.

"Then what was the point of asking! Of course I'm not okay! Do I look okay, Peter! She was here. Here, Peter!" He yelled at me, and with that he collapsed and started to sob. My heart dropped and broke again. Why did I do all this to him? I didn't mean to. But that doesn't change the fact that I did this to him.

"Oh, Aslan Ed, I'm so so so sorry." I said to him. As if he couldn't take it anymore he flung himself onto me. I hadn't realized how big he had gotten, for I had almost fallen over. I wrapped my arms around him.

"Oh, Peter! She _still_ haunts me! She was right over in there. She almost had you for REAL this time!" Edmund cried. He buried his head in my shoulder. I carefully and gently put him in my lap.

"It's okay. Shh I'm here. I won't let _anything_ happen to you." I cooed to him. After a while he calmed down, and after such an emotional outbreak, Ed fell asleep. I smiled down at him and placed a kiss on his forehead.

"Peter." I turned my head to see Lucy standing at the entrance. She looked at me then to Edmund.

"What's the matter?" I asked her. Lucy came and sat down next to me. She absentmindedly started stroking Edmund's dark locks away from his eyes. She sighed.

"He has nightmares every night." She whispered to me. I looked at her shocked. Why haven't I been told about this?

"How do you know that?" I questioned her. She wiped away a single tear.

"He doesn't know, but he sometimes wakes me up. I see him thrashing and he mutters in his sleep." Lucy explained. I looked down at his sleeping face.

"What does he say?" I asked her. Lucy looked at me with many tears streaming down her face. I prayed to Aslan, whom I had lost faith in, to watch over them.

"He says sorry a lot, but he always begs for mercy. Almost like someone was hurting him. Like _She_ was hurting him. Peter, it's awful!" Lucy told me, by now I was holding back tears. I glanced down at Edmund. He seemed to be sleeping peacefully for now. Even after all these years, Edmund never told anyone exactly what had transpired when he was in the Jadis's cruel grasp. We got a pretty good guess based on the state in which he was returned to us in.

"Lucy, why didn't anyone tell me?" I still couldn't believe no one told me. In Narnia I was the one to help Ed with his nightmares.

"Edmund wouldn't let us. He said that you shouldn't have to deal with his problems, and that you had your own to sort through." She explained bitterly. Us? Susan knew too? How come she didn't tell me?

"Why did he say that?" I said. Lucy looked at me expectantly.

"You weren't so happy about coming back to Narnia, and you never had time for us. You were always busy, and didn't like being with us. Edmund took it the worst out of all of us. Eventually, he just stopped trying. He told us we should leave you alone, but he always helped you when he thought you needed it. I had asked him why he gave up, and he told me it was because he remembered the look in your eyes from before Narnia. Only that they contained a glint from his as well. The angry with the world look to them" She told me. I was now silently sobbing. She came and hugged me, and I held her close.

"I'm so sorry, Lu. So sorry." I murmured into his shoulder.

"I knew you just needed something, but we waited and waited and still nothing. Ed was devastated. He thought he was going to lose you forever." She cried. She too fell asleep, and then I. I still couldn't shake the guilt that was slowly consuming me.

Was it really that I was too self-absorbed to see my younger siblings' pains and demons as well? I prayed not, but something told it was true.


	3. Chapter 3

I opened my eyes the next morning to see Susan. She didn't look happy.

"Peter, you must come and see this!" She said urgently, but quietly, so Lucy and Edmund wouldn't wake. We went to an opening from the How and I frowned. The enemy's army was now making camp across from camp.

"What shall we do?" Caspian asked me. I shook my head.

"War conference, now. Please gather in 5 minutes." I commanded. Susan looked at me before asking.

"Shall I get Edmund?" I thought about this for a minute. He would be awfully mad if he wasn't included. In the end I nodded and added.

"And Lucy too."

When we were almost all gathered, I had time to mentally asses Edmund's state. He was still pale as ever, but the circles under his eyes were less noticeable. There was glistening sweat o9n his forehead, but I would have to check that later. I mean, it was hot in here, so it could be just the heat but it could be a fever too. He seemed to be slouching a lot.

"What are we going to do?" Lucy asked looking from me to Edmund then back to me.

"I think I might know." Caspian spoke up nervously. Everyone looked at him. I nodded for him continue.

"My uncle still holds true our people's traditions. Maybe-"

"Brilliant! A single combat, a challenge! Edmund exclaimed. He smiled to Caspian, said prince smiled back. Then his face went serious and I knew that was his thinking face.

"What's wrong, Ed?" Susan asked. He looked at me and then I _knew_ what he was thinking.

"Peter, let me-"

"No." I interrupted, "You _will not_ fight. I won't let you." He looked at me angrily.

"Why not?" He challenged. I could tell that he just didn't want me to do this.

"Because you look like a wreck!" I said, "What's been going on with you? It seems like you're not eating or sleeping!" I asked him softly. He seemed too shocked to answer or say anything. Instead his gaze dropped to the floor.

"Peter, I just don't want you to get hurt." Edmund whispered. He looked back up at me. His face was white as if he had seen a ghost. He made a strangled sound.

"Ed, you okay?" I asked him. He stared all the way through me and into the beyond. His eyes glazed over. It was like I never said anything in the first place.

Edmund, this is not funny!" Susan scolded him. He still did not react or show any recognition. Lucy anxiously went to stand next to Susan.

"Edmund, come on," She whispered. Tears were welling in her eyes.

"Ed?" I asked him unsurely. He didn't respond the way I wanted him to.

"What will you do if you get hurt? I can't let that happen. That is _my_ job. I can not let you get hurt. You are my _king_, Peter. I must protect you. You are my _brother_. I can't let you do this." He said in a daze. Edmund gazed at me with a miniature inferno in his eyes.

"No, I'm the older brother. This is _my_ job! I have to protect you _all_!" I replied. His gaze turned sharp, bitter, and focused.

"Is that so? Is that why you dropped us back in England! There was nothing more to protect us from? That's not even true! What about the war there too! What about the sickness, nightmares, getting hurt, feeling down, what about that all! Who is gonna save me from me! I know you don't want to! Hell, I don't even think you'd notice if we were gone!" He all but screamed at me. I glared at him.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to slip away like that." I told him stiffly, trying to hold my anger in check. His anger only increased.

"Then why! Why didn't you come back? You left us in the dark. In the cold! You were like you were before we ever went to Narnia, but you know what! You were worse! You were like ME!" He screamed. He was panting from yelling so much. I noticed there were unshed tears in his chocolate eyes. He gave in to a small coughing fit, and then glared at me with such intensity I was almost tempted to look away.

"I'm sorry okay! What am I to say to you?" I asked him. He just shook his head before saying.

"What happened? Were you even aware of the things you did to us? You _hurt_ all of us!" Edmund asked. He glanced at Susan and Lucy for a short moment. I looked down for a split second.

"No, I wasn't, tell me." I whispered cringing at the stare he gave me.

"You locked yourself away whenever you were home. You yelled at us for trying to _help_ you! You, you" He stopped mid sentence. His breathing getting heavier, faster.

"What Edmund! What did I do?" I felt my anger boiling. He just shook his head and looked at Lucy and Susan. Then, out-of-the-blue, his face paled. He gasped in agony and grabbed his stomach.

"Edmund?" Susan said to him. He shot her a desperate looked before going fell limp. Edmund fell to the floor, wincing ever so slightly in his state. His eyes going dull before closing.

"Edmund!"

**Whoa, that was way more angst then I intended. The whole point was for Edmund to share what he felt about Peter's state when they went back to ****England****. Read and Review. Not sure if you noticed, but I'm redoing all the chapters I have up already.**


	4. Chapter 4

"Edmund!" I heard the girls cry as they rushed forwards. I knelt down to him. Susan, Lucy, and even Caspian crowded around. His face was pale, he had a small fever, and his breathing was irregular. What happened?

"Edmund, wake up!" I yelled softly at him. Surprisingly, a chocolate brown eye found my gaze. I sighed out of relief, sure I was still a little mad at him but he's my brother.

"What?" He asked weakly.

"Ed, what happened?" Susan questioned. I looked at her then to Ed. He looked terribly confused.

"I don't, well one minute I was standing fighting with Peter, and then I'm here." He said slowly. Edmund looked around the area before shakily standing up.

"I suppose we could finish this later." He mumbled before leaving the room. Susan and Lucy hurried after him. I went to go sit by myself, and then Susan came up to me.

"How is he?" I asked as she sat down next to me.

"Resting, but he complained of stomach ache, well stomach pain." She informed me. I looked at her.

"What was he going to say?" I ask her. I saw pain form in her now misty eyes as memories upset her mind.

"You don't remember, do you? Lucy doesn't even know." She said. I turned to her.

"Tell me." I ordered her. She sighed.

"Peter, you weren't yourself. One day, you got so mad, you went drinking. You drank so much Peter! Edmund, well, he was still upset that you didn't want to spend time with us, but he went to bring you home. When you got home you were mad that he took you away from there, and" She stopped to wipe away her tears.

"And?" I asked my heart was pounding. I didn't remember this at all!

"Well, you took your anger out on Edmund. At first you just yelled. But Oh, Peter his face! He broke. I don't think even he realized how many tears were on his face!" She stopped again to wipe away more tears. I've never seen Susan lose it like this before.

"What did I say?" I asked, although I never really wanted to know.

"You called him a traitor, and that he deserved to die. You told him you hated him. But when that still didn't get to him, which it really did Peter, it really did, you. Oh Peter!" She started to sob. I took her chin and tilted it upwards. I looked her in the eyes.

"What happened?" I growled. Why won't she tell me?

"Peter, you hit him. You hit him so much, that someone had to call the medics. He fell down the stairs, and he hit the wall so hard! He was in their care for two days, and then bedridden in the house for a week! But Peter, he didn't do anything to stop you. He didn't dodge or call for help. He said that you needed it, and that he wouldn't hold it over you." Susan sobbed. I was disgusted in myself. I had done that! And to my little brother! Then, I turned and threw up. I did that to my little brother? I felt someone rubbing my back, but I blacked out instead.

When I woke, I tried to avoid Edmund, even when he came searching for me. I still snuck out in the middle of the night to find him in the bushes. Ed had many blackouts after the incident. No one but Susan and I noticed him growing weaker and weaker. I was really worried and ashamed. I needed to talk with him. I was walking through the How when I saw him sitting against the wall reading. Taking a deep breath, I walked up to him.

"Where'd you get that book?" I asked trying to start a conversation. He slowly looked at me and smiled a weary smile. He was so weak. It really twisted my heart.

"It was in my bag, when we came." He replied. I sat down next to him, and I saw him tense a bit. It shot a feeling of guilt through me. After a moment he relaxed.

"What's it about?" I asked motioning to the book in his lap. I really didn't care about the book, but I wanted to talk with Edmund. I had to set this straight. I haven't a good talk with him in such a _long_ time.

"It's about laws and outcomes." He said with a small twinkle in his eyes. Of course, that's our Just King for you.

"Well, that sounds interesting." I said. He smirked at me. It made me almost smile.

"Yeah, but you couldn't understand it, could you?" Edmund said happily. I glanced at the page. I could hear Edmund laugh to himself.

"You're right, Ed. I can't read a simple paragraph!" I said astounded. I took another deep breath and turned to him.

"Susan told me what I did to you. I'm so sorry." I whispered. His eyes darkened a bit. My heart dropped at the sudden mood change.

"It was nothing." He mumbled.

"She told me I hit you, and you didn't do anything. Why?" I asked him. He sighed and closed the book.

"Peter, you really needed it. I could tell. It really doesn't matter." I could tell he didn't want to talk about it, but I needed to.

"What went through your mind at the time? Tell me." I insisted. He gave another sigh.

"Honestly, I was wondering why. Why all this happened. What made you so upset? We all left. We all loved it there. Why were you so upset, that you couldn't even come and tell us? I was wondering why it hurt so much for me to think about Narnia. I was wondering why I felt better when you hit me. I really don't know anymore." He muttered brokenly. I grabbed him and pulled him into a hug. He returned it right away. He cried again, and I did too.

"I'm so so so so sorry!" I told him over and over. He shook his head.

"It's fine." He said to me. When he had stopped I was still sobbing, so he held me. After I had calmed down I noticed his arms shaking.

"You alright?" I asked him still looking at his arms. He nodded.

"Yes, right now anyway." He mumbled. He turned and lifted his head to look at me. He slightly frowned when he saw my face.

"Peter, don't give me that look." He told me. I looked down.

"Sorry, I-" Edmund's hand came over my mouth.

"Stop saying you're sorry. The past is the past, what is done is done." He told me. I sighed.

"Say, Ed. Do you have any idea as of why you keep blacking out?" I asked him. I saw a flicker of sadness come across his face.

"No, sorry Pete. Haven't got a clue." Ed whispered. He laid himself down and put his head on my lap. I turned his head, so he could look at the ceiling and me. I took my hand and placed it on my brother's forehead. It was a bit too warm.

"You have a fever." I told him. He snuggled closer to me.

"So?" He mumbled.

"Why did you forgive me?" I asked him. He rolled his eyes.

"You forgave me." Edmund said simply.

"But you didn't hit me, or act so mean! You even said sorry to me!" I would have continued but with the look on Ed's face I had to stop.

"No, but I betrayed you. I deserved to die on the stone table or in the battle. The scar will remind me of that everyday, for the rest of my life. I don't need you to as well. I forgive you, and that's that." He declared. His eyes hardened.

"Ed, what's wrong?" I asked him.

"That's what I see when I black out." He told me. I stare at him.

"The White Witch, smirking at me."

**Wow, that was really long. Way longer than I intended, but yay. They're talking things out. That's good :) Read and Review. Thanks **


	5. Chapter 5

"Let me be the messenger at least! I am the best diplomat in Narnia. I can make sure Miraz doesn't refuse," Edmund demanded. He did have a point.

Edmund had been resting, and when he awoke was surprised to find that everyone was planning for the battle. I guess he must feel a bit restless. He was always like that back in the Golden Age. He could never sit still. I glanced at Susan, who was looking at me; I guess it's my call.

Well, Ed has been doing a _bit _better. Although, he still is fragile. His fever was down by quite a bit. His nightmares were still strong, though, and he has been lacking sleep. Also, his appetite has been dwindling down. He just picks at his food, and Susan is _not_ happy about that. She is always telling him that he's too thin. Sadly, this time around, she is correct. He hasn't had a blackout in a while too. That's good, right? I believe he is capable of doing whatever he wants to at the moment. Hopefully, his condition will not decrease any further. I mean, there _is_ a noticeable difference from when we first arrived.

"Alright, but you will be guarded at all times," I reluctantly told him. He beamed at me. I smiled back at him. I believe I just made his day. Caspian smiled as well. I still needed to talk with him.

"Although, _before_ you go, I want you to eat and take a nap," He looked like he was about to argue, and knowing him, he was, but he nodded. Lucy, who was standing to the left of Ed, helped him make his way to get some food. Before he left, Ed turned to me and smirked.

"I _will_ assist you in writing the challenge," He told me.

"I wouldn't have it any other way, brother mine," Ed grinned ear to ear at my response. It was true. I wouldn't trust anyone to write such a work, unless it was Edmund. My king. My brother. My savior.

After Ed and Lucy had left, I walked over to Caspian, who gave me a nervous smile.

"Caspian, I would very much like to apologize. I know realize I have not been treating you right, and that I was wrong. I am sorry," I told him. His nervousness disappeared.

"Thank you, High King Peter!" He said kneeling.

"Caspian, we are equal. Do not kneel before me now, for only when the time is right, you may. Call me Peter, for that is who I am. I am no longer the High King, my time has passed, but I will continue to be, for Aslan said 'Once a King or Queen of Narnia, Always a King or Queen of Narnia'. Now, though is your time," Caspian rose with a grin challenging Ed's on his tan face.

"Thank you, Peter. For everything. I will not let you down," He said retreating out of the cove. Susan came to me, also with a smile on her face.

"Thank you, Peter. You're making everyone so happy," Susan murmured to me, wrapping her gentle, slender arms around me. I returned the gesture and held her, relaxing in her tender warmth. I missed the hugs from my siblings.

"Lets go find Ed and Lu, we can maybe still eat with them," Susan suggested. I nodded and we left in the direction our younger siblings had vanished to. After a few twist and turns, we arrived to our destination. Having a picnic, Ed and Lucy were just outside the How. Luckily, they were settled and just beginning to eat.

"May we join you?" Susan asked with a smile on her face. Lucy and Ed both reciprocated with bright smiles of their own, and nods.

"Of course we don't mind!" Lucy invited.

I sat down next to Edmund, who at the time was picking his food, and I rolled my eyes. He looked up at me, then his food, then me again. He picked up a few berries, looked pointedly at me, and then plopped them in his mouth, making sure he was making a scene chewing them with his mouth open.

"Ed, mind your manners!" Susan scolded playfully, making Ed smile and Lucy giggle.

"Hey, at least I'm eating!" He chuckled.

"You need to eat _more_ than that," Susan told him "You're so thin."

"Hate to say it Ed, but Susan's right. You've gotten so thin, lately," Lucy explained to him. He huffed and rolled his eyes good naturedly.

"Peter, aren't _you_ going to eat?" Ed asked. So like Ed. I looked at what was lain out, and I grabbed a piece of bread.

"I am!" I countered, stuffing the bread into my mouth, and smiling like an idiot.

"Peter, mind _your_ manners as well," Susan said, stifling a laugh.

"Look, now we're all having a picnic!" Lucy exclaimed happily. Susan grabbed her into a hug. Ed looked at me.

"What?" I asked, and he stared at me. Slowly, a smile crossed his face.

"I'm just happy, that's all," He told me, and I smiled.

"I'm glad," I responded. Only, that was an understatement. I was brimming with happiness. The sound of laughter and merriness filled the air.


	6. Chapter 6

Time for fun seemed to have ended when the task of writing the challenge became noticed. I agreed to have Ed help me write it. After all, he _is_ Narnia's best diplomat. He had to remain sitting, though. His strength had dwindled down from all the running around we had done at the picnic. I didn't blame him, nor would I take any privileges away. He seemed generally exhausted.

Despite that fact, I have to admit, it felt so good to be able to talk to Edmund again. It feels as though I haven't talked to him in years. Really, it's only been a year. A really long year. I still find it hard to believe I've done so much damage in just one year. The higher you are the harder you fall, right?

"Peter, are you okay?" Ed asked me suddenly. Or I think suddenly, yet there is that possibility that he was talking the whole time and I didn't notice until now. I shook my head to clear my thoughts, and shot a smile at my concerned little brother.

"I'm fine, Ed. Oh Aslan, I don't deserve you. You can't stand right now and you're asking _me_ if I'm okay." I told him. He gave a perturbed look and continued to write.

"You know, I can stand if I had to," He informed me in a stubborn tone. "After all, I am a King of Narnia. I have to be able to stand up for my people." I don't think will ever understand how proud I am of him. My chest feels as though it is about to explode and I cannot wipe my grin off my face.

"I know," I replied. The look on his face was priceless, caught between anger, confusion, and happiness. My smile dropped a bit, and I looked into Ed's chocolate brown eyes. "Ed, I really am sorry."

I didn't miss the dark look that came upon his face for a split second and then was gone, or the many emotions churning inside his eyes that flew away from my own blue gaze to stare at anything else. My stomach clenched and my throat dried.

"Peter, you weren't yourself. You were going through some rough times, and lost your way a bit. The past is the past, Pete," Ed replied in a strangled way. "Really, I thought we were done apologizing,"

"I know, but-"

"No buts, Peter. Really, it's okay. Don't you remember it was me who used to be the beast? Or is your old man brain too old to remember?" He taunted.

"You never hit me." I deadpanned.

"I gave a few good shoves." He pointed out, but I shook my head.

"There is a huge difference between what you had done and what I had." I told him grimly. He huffed. Putting down the parchment, he slowly, shakily climbed to his feet. I didn't want to stress him out, so I walked up to him. He pulled me into a tight hug. I returned it a bit more gently, for I could feel the tremors racking his body.

"Yeah," He whispered. "I almost got you killed." My eyes widened and I pulled him away so I could look him in the eye.

"You realized your mistake and _saved_ us! Bloody Hell, Ed, you _died_ for us!" I reminded him. He got a dark look in his eyes.

"No, I didn't." He replied. To this day, Ed doesn't truly believe he died, but his heart did stop. He was gone for a minute and seven horrible seconds. I will never forget how pale and still he looked. My heart squeezed and stomach clenched at the thought.

"Ed, I don't know what I'm looking for, but I wish you would tell me something that would make me feel better." I told him sadly. He nodded.

"Peter, I will tell you, from experience, guilt is the hardest emotion to deal with. You'll want to rip yourself in half and pull your brain and heart out. It's a constant bugging. You have to grow past it. Learn to accept it." He leaned forward and put his warm forehead on mine.

"Did you grow past it?" I asked. He let out a deep breath and looked into my eyes.

"No," He answered softly. "What I did caused so much pain and sorrow and death. I feel responsible for all of it. Although, the guilt I feel and the guilt you feel is different. We will heal on our own rate. I have accepted it. Now, I have to grow past it, and have it no longer consume me."

"I know that you can." I told him because I truly believed he could. He smiled a warm smile and his eyes lit with that loving look I was so used to.

"Thank you, Peter." He sighed. He looked _so_ tired.

"I think you should go and rest a bit." I suggested.

"Yeah, probably." He breathed; he removed his forehead from mine.

"We'll finish this later." I told him, collecting the supplies and parchment.

"Are we good now, Peter?" Edmund asked. I smiled.

"Always." I answered.

"You are my king, my brother, and I love you and honor you." He told me. I felt tears prickle my eyes, but, for Ed's sake, held them back. I grabbed him for another tight hug. I'd be lying if I say I didn't hold him like our mother held us when we were sick or upset. That thought brought back the fact that Ed _was_ sick. We didn't know what with or how or even why. I helped him back to his sleeping area and settled him down gently. Unsurprisingly, Ed's eyes fluttered shut almost immediately.

"I love you, Edmund." I whispered.

_**This chapter is about Ed and Peter finally forgiving each other. No more hard feelings. Yay! Don't worry, though. More to come!**_


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